The Happiest Thought
by Paceso
Summary: Bill faces the horrifying prospect of becoming a werewolf in the first full moon after the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, and Fleur struggles to maintain her equilibrium in the face of his depression and angst.


Author's Note:  
Entry for International Wizarding School Championship - round 2

WC 2899

Theme: Expecto Patronum

Prompts: Fleur (main), Three Broomsticks, hot and sunny.

Beauxbatons 3rd year

Preface: It has always seemed to me that Bill matured strikingly between the Battle of the Astronomy Tower (30th June 1997) and the Battle of the Seven Potters (27th July). Until the former, he was a reliable, steady and rather hip character. By the time of the latter, he was battle-weary and grave. I surmise that the change might well have been the result of his dread at the possibility of becoming a werewolf in the full moon which fell on 20th July. Having suffered suicidal depression myself, I know how agonising it can be for the depressive's loved ones, and how unpredictably the depressive's inner pain can flare out on those closest to them. Bill's outburst in this story may seem out of character, but under such intense pressure even the most equable of us might behave similarly. I've also wondered just who took over making the Wolfsbane for Lupin after Snape fled, and how anxious Lupin might have felt at using an untried potion in that same full moon, especially in light of the new anti-werewolf legislation the Ministry had just brought in. Fleur and Tonks would have been supporting their partners through these anxieties, and - largely speaking - feeling powerless to help.

* * *

 **The Happiest Thought**

"Madame, I weesh to talk wiz you about Bill. I am _inqui_ _è_ _te_ – 'ow you say?…worreed – about 'im."

Fleur looked anxiously at her prospective mother-in-law. Although Mrs Weasley had been much kinder to her since she had so vehemently asserted that Bill's scarring by Fenrir Greyback made no difference to her love for him, she still occasionally felt traces of the older woman's earlier antagonism.

Molly Weasley looked up in surprise from the book she was reading. "Why, Fleur? He's recovering all right from the attack, and his scars are healing well…"

"Yes, but zere is no 'appiness in 'im. 'E is gloomy all ze time. I t'ink if nuzzing is done 'e will become too sad to live."

Mrs Weasley looked at her, alarmed. "Oh, Fleur, surely it's not that bad? I haven't noticed anything much, except that he seems to be a bit quieter than usual."

Fleur nodded her head. "'E 'ides it when there are much people around. But when we are alone – zen I see it."

"But he was all right after we realised that since Fenrir wasn't transformed when he attacked Bill, Bill wouldn't become a werewolf himself," Molly objected.

Fleur agreed. "Yes, 'e was all right zen. But since zen 'e 'as 'ad zis liking for raw steaks, and 'e t'inks zat means 'e _is_ a werewolf. And next week is ze full moon…" Her voice trailed off apprehensively.

Molly looked stricken. "Oh my goodness, I'd completely forgotten that. And you think he's worried that he'll transform then?"

Fleur nodded her head vigorously. "Yes, yes. And zere are many children near 'ere. 'E is afraid 'e will attack one."

"Goodness gracious!" Molly was seriously alarmed now. "What shall we do?"

"I t'ink we should talk to Lupin. 'E understands what it is to be afraid to transform."

"You're right," Molly said, with decision. She went to the pot on the mantelpiece, took out a pinch of Floo Powder and threw it on the fire, saying "Remus Lupin" as she did so.

After a few moments, Lupin's head appeared in the dancing flames.

"What's the trouble, Molly?" he asked.

Molly gestured to Fleur to explain.

"It is zat Bill is worreed 'e is a werewolf, and zat 'e will transform on ze full moon next week," said Fleur quickly.

Lupin looked surprised. "But Greyback wasn't in werewolf form when he attacked Bill," he said.

"I know," Fleur nodded, "but now 'e likes 'is steaks _très bleu_ , and 'e t'inks 'e must be a werewolf."

Lupin shook his head. "So far as anyone knows, it's impossible. Unless the werewolf is transformed when he attacks, he can't pass on the disease. The liking for almost-raw meat is just the effect of the poison from Greyback's bites, and even that may disappear in time."

Fleur had obviously expected Lupin's answer, for her reply came promptly.

"But 'e is too miserable to believe zat. What 'e needs is to go somewhere 'e feels safe, until ze danger period is over – "

"That's a good idea," exclaimed Molly.

" – but I know not such places in England," continued Fleur. "It should be in a magical village, wiz a good apothecary, but where much goes on so 'e can be occupied. And it must 'ave a good inn, for I shall, of course, go wiz 'im."

"Is that wise?" asked Molly, with concern. "If there's any chance he _is_ a werewolf, won't you be at risk?"

"Zat is why I must go," declared Fleur. "To prove I do not believe 'e is a werewolf, and I am perfectly safe wiz 'im."

Molly beamed approvingly at her.

"There's an obvious place," said Lupin, quietly. "Hogsmeade. You can stay at The Three Broomsticks, and everything you might need is close by. Snape was teaching the Potioneer at Hogsmeade to make Wolfsbane, before he…er…left, and I received an owl yesterday telling me she had some there. It probably isn't a good idea for Bill to take it until it's definitely known that he needs it, but if he's given a dose after having transformed it will make him more docile. You'd have to bind him, of course, before administering it. And if the worst does happen, he can be taken to the Shrieking Shack."

Molly and Fleur agreed, and Fleur undertook to persuade Bill of the plan.

A few days later, Bill, Fleur and Lupin arrived at The Three Broomsticks. It was still three days until the full moon, but Lupin was anxious to ensure he had done all he could for the pair before he needed to focus on his own preventative measures. On his recommendation they had also included Charlie in the plan, in the hope that his experience with dragons might be of some use if Bill did transform. Charlie had agreed to be ready to respond if Fleur sent him a Patronus message.

Bill was moodily uncommunicative. Tormented by his fears for more than two weeks now, his dread silenced him almost as surely as a _Silencio_ charm would have done. Only Fleur's distress had persuaded him to agree to the trip, but now that the moment was almost upon him he could not ignore his apprehension and make small-talk. He gave curt replies to Madam Rosmerta's welcoming words, then lapsed back into silence. Lupin looked at Fleur quizzically, and she whispered to him.

"When 'e looks at you, 'e feels more bad."

Lupin winced, yet he understood as no-one else could have done. Bill feared becoming what Lupin already was, and it didn't matter that Lupin was able to manage his condition. Bill's inward horror left no room for coming to terms with how he might cope should the worst happen.

~~~ooo~~~

The weather had set in for a hot and sunny spell which was expected to last for several days. Thinking it would be good for Bill to be out in it, Fleur tried to persuade him.

"Darling, ze weather, it is so beautiful. We should go for a little walk, _n'est-ce pas_?"

Bill was bewildered. "Fleur, it's misty and cold. I thought you didn't like the cold. Why on earth do you say it's beautiful?"

"But regard, ze sun!" Fleur waved an extravagant hand at the rays slanting across the room from the window. "It is so bright, it is almost like Cannes."

Bill stared at the beams of sunlight through eyes clouded by despondency. He shivered. "It looks like winter to me," he said morosely.

Fleur suddenly understood. The weather was indeed beautiful, but Bill was so mired in hopelessness that he could see only the cold mists of despair. She lapsed into a thoughtful silence. It was not for nothing that she was one-quarter Veela and had been the Beauxbatons Triwizard champion – she was determined to use all her wiles and magical skill to get Bill through this valley, and the first step was to get him outdoors.

She crossed the room, snuggled up to him, and said in a persuasive voice, "My big Bill, it is so good to be 'ere wiz you, in ze place where we first met. Do you remember 'ow your bruzzer offered me a chocolate wand and you said I would do sweet magic wiz it? Could we not go to Honeydukes and buy a chocolate wand each, to celebrate our sweet magic togezzer? Will you not do zis for me?"

She rubbed her silvery head against his scarred cheek. Bill sat quite still for a moment, and then his arm went hesitantly round her and he buried his face in her hair.

"Oh, Fleur, I can't – I just can't."

"But yes," she said softly, "I know you can, for you are my big brave Bill."

She stood up, took his hand, and gently coaxed him to his feet. As if in a dream, he followed her down the stairs and out into the bright sunlight. A warm breeze played delicately around them, yet Bill shivered. Fleur shaded her eyes as she looked toward Hogwarts, but Bill's gaze saw only the ground in front of him. The depression weighing him down was like the dark despair which Dementors brought, and only the happiest of thoughts had the power to overcome it.

After buying their chocolate wands at Honeydukes, they returned to The Three Broomsticks. Bill shrank from entering the bar, with its lively hum of activity, but Fleur insisted.

"I promised zat we would meet Lupin 'ere. 'E was going to ze Potioneer to get some Wolfsbane."

She took Bill's silence for assent, and pushed open the door.

"Fleur – and Bill," cried a voice from the far side of the room. "Good to see you!"

They crossed the room to where Tonks and her father were sitting, also waiting for Lupin.

"'Ello, Tonks – and Ted," said Fleur, giving them both the continental double kiss. "I didn't know you would be 'ere."

"Dora wanted to be with Remus for the full moon," said Ted Tonks, with a quick look at Bill, who had returned their greetings with a grunt and subsided into a corner. He spoke quietly to Fleur, under cover of the chatter around them. "She wants to be there just in case there's a problem with the new potion. I said I'd come with her."

Fleur nodded.

"You're not here for the full moon too, are you, Fleur?" asked Tonks, bluntly. "Bill's all right, isn't he?"

Fleur hesitated and glanced at Bill, but he made no response. She decided to speak openly, thinking that if anyone were able to understand, it would be Lupin's loved ones. "Zis is ze first full moon since ze battle, and 'e is worried 'e might transform. I do not believe 'e will, but I cannot leave 'im to suffer alone."

Tonks gave her a straight look. "I know just how you feel."

The two shared a moment of wordless sympathy, and Fleur knew that she had Tonks's full support and understanding. Ted looked across at Bill, who had averted his face at the bald statement of his fears, and decided that a little bracing treatment was needed.

"Son, you've got a good girl there beside you. Don't make it harder for her, will you?"

Bill made no reply, but the harsh set of his jaw softened a little. He loved Fleur deeply, and part of his distress was the thought of the burden he would be placing on her if he were a werewolf and they married as planned. Yet the wedding was only two weeks away, and he shrank from the thought of the upheaval that would ensue if it were cancelled.

Lupin arrived at that moment and Tonks turned to him.

"Did you get the potion all right, Remus?"

"Yes, it seems fine," replied Lupin. "Madam Medela assured me that she had followed Snape's instructions meticulously, and it certainly looks the same as his always did."

Tonks nodded in satisfaction.

"Will it be all right for – ?" She inclined her head toward Bill.

Lupin opened his mouth to answer, but was forestalled by an angry bark from Bill himself.

" 'All right'? Of course it won't be bloody ' _all_ _right'_! I'll be a werewolf, and nothing is 'all right' about that." He thumped the table as the dread in his heart found an outlet. "Fleur says I'll be fine. You – " he looked directly at Lupin, "say I'll be fine too. But no-one really _knows_ , do they? You said yourself when it happened that I was a unique case."

Lupin looked at him steadily "Yes, I did say that, Bill. But we have no reason to suppose that the effects of your attack are anything other than superficial."

Bill shoved back his chair with some force as he stood up and almost shouted, "But it's all just 'supposing', and none of you know what you're talking about." He glared at them all, and then stormed out of the room.

Fleur sat with her head bent and her shoulders shaking. All her faith in Bill's steadiness and their mutual love was being strained to breaking point. With a wisdom born of fellow-feeling, Tonks comforted her as the two men looked at each other and then followed Bill out.

~~~ooo~~~

As Fleur and Bill lay in bed that night, looking out at the stars through the pretty dormer window, Bill spoke quietly in the darkness.

"I know I've been dreadful lately, Fleur. I'm just so…so _black_. Remus and Ted gave me a good talking-to after what I said in the bar, and made me see that it's much harder on you to watch me than it is for me to go through it. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Fleur reached her hand across the narrow gap between their twin beds and squeezed Bill's hand lovingly.

"It will be all right, my Bill. When ze moon comes out, and you do not transform, zen you will be 'appy again."

"But maybe I _will_ transform." Bill spoke more quietly than he had in the bar earlier, but still with the same nervous tension.

"You will _not_ transform," said Fleur emphatically. "Lupin says you will not, and 'e knows about zis t'ing."

Bill raised himself on one elbow and faced his fiancée in the dim starlight.

"But what if he's wrong?" he demanded. "What if I do transform – what then? I might hurt you. I might run amok and kill people. I might – heaven forbid – make more werewolves. I can't live with that. And you shouldn't have to live with me if I am – that."

His voice broke on the last word. Desperate though he felt at the thought of becoming a werewolf, his desperation was even greater at the thought of losing Fleur. How could he possibly ask her to stay with him if he became such a loathsome creature?

Fleur was distressed. She had known that Bill was struggling with the prospect of becoming a werewolf, but not that he had thought of ending their relationship. She spoke firmly.

"Bill, Remus tried to stop Tonks loving 'im, but 'e could not. It will not 'appen wiz me eizzer. I am your Fleur, whom you love and who loves you."

She scrambled out of her bed and sat on the edge of his. "Relax, my Bill. I will stay 'ere wiz you until you go to sleep, and I will never leave you."

Bill kissed her hand in wordless gratitude, although his anguish was not allayed. Fleur stroked his hair slowly and gently until his breathing became deep and even. Then she crept noiselessly back to her own bed and lay staring uneasily into the darkness for a while before she, too, fell asleep.

~~~ooo~~~

Three days later, just before sunset, the pair sat in the back courtyard of The Three Broomsticks. The weather had remained hot and sunny, and Fleur was wearing a light summer pantsuit. Bill, still wrapped in the chill of his despairing thoughts, was clad more warmly.

They were alone, for Lupin had taken his potion earlier in the evening and was curled up asleep with Tonks watching. Ted had agreed to remain within call of both couples in case he was needed. Bill's body was tense, and he looked with apprehension at the line of trees on the eastern side of the little terrace, where a faint glow heralded the moon's imminent rising.

Fleur sat quietly beside him, her wand at the ready and the precautionary dose of Wolfsbane on the table in front of her. She was prepared for anything, although she truly believed that the precautions would all prove to be unnecessary.

Madam Rosmerta watched them surreptitiously from inside the inn. She, like many others, knew that the eldest Weasley boy had been scarred by Fenrir Greyback during the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, and she also realised that this was the first full moon since the incident. She had questioned Lupin and received his assurance that Bill would not transform, but she was still anxious. It would not be good to have a werewolf rampaging through her inn.

Bill held his breath as the moon edged up over the trees. The orange-tinted creaminess seemed so near he could have reached out and touched it. Its majestic loveliness drove everything else from his mind, and he gazed at it in awe.

Fleur watched him with deep satisfaction. The moon had risen and the horror had passed. Even as she thought it, Bill looked fearfully at his hands and then took a deep shuddering breath of relief. He swung round and caught Fleur to him.

"I'm all right, sweetheart, I'm all right!" he cried, relief and exultation blending in his voice.

Fleur returned his hug. "Did we not say zat you would be?" she said, half-scoldingly.

Bill was his old self again. "Yes, sweetheart, you did. And I so wanted to believe you, but I just couldn't. It was like a dark fog pressing down on me, and nothing seemed to penetrate it at all." He shook his head, as if to dislodge the recollection. Then his eyes lit up. "But it's not like that any more. And you're right – the weather is beautiful. Let's go for a walk."

Hand in hand, laughing joyously at that happiest of thoughts, they made their way out into the street. Behind them, on the table, sat the small flask of Wolfsbane potion that Bill would never need.


End file.
